Your face is a jimmy john
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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