I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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