Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
