The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
