hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
