I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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