it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
