Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
