do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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