were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
