"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
