i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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