i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
