I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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