The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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