My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it glows. i had to have it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
