can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
