I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
