He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
