I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
