his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
