So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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