That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
