After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
