i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
