drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
