You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
