Fine. I'll sleep in my office
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
