I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
