The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
