Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
