we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
