Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
