morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
