I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
