The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
