Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
