You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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