Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
where does the pee come out of this thing
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
