he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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