Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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