WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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