We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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