I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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