apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
