dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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