In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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