I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
