Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
