i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
